Krokov. Have you seen this report on this Condorman? Or this man Wilkins? He is an AMATEUR, do you hear? He is NOT an agent of the CIA! He is a WRITER OF COMIC BOOKS! Woody Wilkins. Who can save Princess Juliet - held captive by the evil Count Lorca? Who can save the city? Who?

[pauses to put on goggles; in a deeper voice]

Woody Wilkins. Who. this is a job - for CONDORMAN! Harry Oslo. [as Condorman drops into the Seine] Flap, Woody! Flap! Harry Oslo. Woody, you're a great cartoonist, and you're a great comic book writer - but you're a lousy bird. Turkish waiter. Your order, sir? Woody Wilkins. [indicates Natlia's drink] I'll have one of those. Turkish waiter. One Istanbul Express. Woody Wilkins. Yes. A double. Turkish waiter. [surprised] A double? Nobody orders the double, sir! Woody Wilkins. Okay. Make it a triple. Woody Wilkins. [sitting up in the snow after falling from a cable broken by the KGB] I think they're gone! We can move now! Harry Olso. I. may. never. move. again.

[collapses into snow]

Natalia. [Natalia has just discovered that Woody is not a real agent] Harry, who are you? Harry Olso. Huh? Natalia. [holds up one of Woody's comic books] Woody is Condorman, I am Laser Lady! Who are you? Harry Olso. [looking resigned] How'd ya find out? Natalia. [indicating the gaggle of children around her] The children here read comic books, too. Harry Olso. [sighs] Let's take a walk. Woody Wilkins. Condorman - vulture of the Western world.

[takes drink, looks surprised, spews jet of flame]

Woody Wilkins. [after accidentally firing his machine-gun walking stick] That's a hair-trigger! Woody Wilkins. Rupel for your thoughts.

[puts arm around Natalia]

Natalia. [puts her arm around Woody] When I parted from Krokov, I promised myself I would never love again. a man of deception. But now I know there is deception, and deception. Woody Wilkins. I don't understand. Natalia. But I do.

Natalia. When I go to America, and reading the Sunday funnies, and eating my Big Mac, and planning for the senior prom. Woody Wilkins. [interrupts] You may have missed the prom. Natalia. I would like it very much, if I could pick up my American telephone, call my friend Woody, and say. come over and be *diplomatic* with me.

Woody Wilkins. I'll bring the dip, if you bring the dostoevsky. Natalia. [looks at Woody, confused]Woody Wilkins. That's a yes. Krokov. [turns on the lamp] Hello, Natalia. Welcome home. Natalia. Sergei. I didn't expect you. Krokov. I'm sure you didn't, my dear. Nor did I expect you to travel to Istanbul to meet our American friend. Natalia. As I was going to tell you about. The meeting was supposed to be a civilian operation, eh? They sent a *top* agent. He was good.

[steps behind the dressing screen to change clothes]

Natalia. Very smooth. And very tough. Almost as tough as you, Sergei. Krokov. And his name? Surely, when you were finding out how. tough. and how smooth he was, you found out his name? Natalia. He called himself Condorman. Krokov. Condorman? Quaint. But he is good. The way he handled those tree turks was impressive. But, you were stupid to be seen by a Chinese agent. And I cannot afford costly mistakes. Oh, my dear Natalia, that is why I have changed my mind about talking you with me to Monte Carlo. You need to be. re-educated, on the, teachings, of our masters.